It's been difficult to write this week. A couple of incidents have left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I have been struggling to rid myself of this bitterness.
I don't want the things I write here poisoned with bitterness. Today's post is just an honest reflection of my struggle to walk through the hurt.
Can I honestly say I've forgiven if I don't feel warmly about the people involved in our spiritual abuse? I want to leave it all in God's hands. I understand that justice and judgment belong to Him.
But in seeing the person who instigated the abuse, I feel violated, nauseous. I don't want to remember. I don't want to be reminded that he got away with evil. No one suspects a thing. His reputation is intact. Those around him bow to him as their spiritual leader.
Anyway, I know what I "should" feel. It's just frustrating having to continually forgive, let go, and try to heal. I feel so low on the grace I need to get past this.
I'm tempted to hit the delete button and pretend everything is great, but this is my reality today. Sorry.