Don't miss the great comments in response to my previous post. There is a lot of wisdom there about forgiveness and reconciliation.
Those of you who have been through this process of recovering from spiritual abuse will recognize the cycle. You are cruising along, doing pretty well, and WHAM! you step into a pile of "stuff" - maybe self-pity, anger, despair, bitterness.
With a little help from your Friend and your friends, you get the "stuff" cleaned off and continue on. What I have found is that even in this regression, we move forward in our healing as deeper issues are addressed.
As I sit here in the front row of God's remedial class, I am learning a couple of things:
I forgot that there were valid reasons we left. I forgot that there were real reasons that we could no longer be a part of the club.
I have had more trouble letting go of my ideal of what it "should have been" than what it actually was.
This was a big hit to our confidence and identity. On the good side, we have learned where our identity was misplaced in relationships and position. On the bad side, it has been difficult to withstand the battering of undeserved rejection and disrespect.
I have decided that I will no longer blame them for my unhappiness. I will take back responsibility for the happiness and success in my life. I will not be defined anymore by what they have done to us, said about us, or continue to say regarding us.
I can see glimpses again of who we were before we started cowering in the corner. As my new friend said, we are shaking the dust off and moving on.
We went out for Chinese food the other night, and God spoke, maybe....
"He who has not tasted the bitter does not understand the sweet."