Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Destination Unknown

I am hesitant to begin this post because I don't have clear thoughts at this time.

Perhaps you have noticed that I like things clear, precise, and tidy.

I've spent a lot of time over the last couple of years trying to tidy up the mess that my life had become.

The loss of friendships I put into a box called acceptance and wrote "forgiven" across the top. This was difficult, but necessary.

The loss of ministry and position I put into a box and began a list on the outside of valuable lessons learned in the process of laying down my position. This was good too.

There were other things, like vision, hope, dreams, gifting, and zeal that I put into boxes and simply wrote DANGER across the top. Then I attempted to live a safe life without these things.

In the end, I crawled into a very small box and hoped that in doing so I could fit somewhere. I just wanted to fit, somewhere.

This past weekend tipped all my boxes upside down and scattered everything around.

I can't continue in my walk with God without hope, dreams, and passion. However, if I allow these things back into my life, I can't fit into the small box.

So, once again, I have no direction. I guess it's time I learned to trust God to figure out where we fit.

Graham said,
"The Lord won't give you direction so that you can feel secure. You are to be developing your sensitivity to the Father. He wants you to develop greater prophetic capability.

The journey is always about relationship. There is no substitute for trust and sensitity to His Spirit. You have to find your identity and inheritance on the journey."

6 comments:

Jamie Arpin-Ricci said...

Wow... You could be speaking from my own heart with this post. Thanks for the reminder. I am terrified to open the last box, but know that I must. Perhaps we need to learn new ways to open them together. Thanks again!

Peace,
Jamie

Inheritor of Heaven said...

You said:
"In the end, I crawled into a very small box and hoped that in doing so I could fit somewhere. I just wanted to fit, somewhere."
then
"I can't continue in my walk with God without hope, dreams, and passion. However, if I allow these things back into my life, I can't fit into the small box."


The reason you can't fit into YOUR small box is because Jesus has come to give you abundant life and that just won't fit in a small box.
Hope, dreams and passion as you note also will not fit in the small box. Just as God (who is the giver of hope and dreams and passion) and a life lived with him cannot fit either.
It appears then that you have in fact neatly done what you like to do in this post: summed things up very clearly,precisely and tidily.
So now you can change your first sentence :)

[rhymes with kerouac] said...

I'm liking this Graham Cooke guy more and more each day.

Robbymac said...

Wow, Grace, sounds like you're on the same journey as a bunch of us -- post-charismatic but not post-Spirit.

This whole topic of dreams and vision just keeps coming up over and over again. I think I'm going to invest some more thought, prayer, and blogging in that area...

Kelly said...

i was really convicted about boxing everything a few months back. your relationship with Christ overflows into everything, making it impossible to compartmentalize.

love your journey, by the way.

grace said...

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I am simply at a loss for anything to say in response right now. (yes, really!)

This place with the boxes and stuff strewn all over is a mess. :)

It's great to know I have friends on this wild journey.