"Many of our churches, even though they feel they represent the truth, actually are upholding something that's distorted and false."--Brian McClaren
We all know that there aren't perfect churches. I don't believe that is what is behind the pursuit of a more authentic representation of the body of Christ.
How do we deal with the tensions that arise from our differences in beliefs? Is polarity necessary?
When I leave a belief system behind (a movement or denomination), my actions make a statement about my rejection of that belief system. Some people will allow you to make that change, while others require complete agreement with them in order to maintain relationship.
We have an old friend who got in touch with us recently. I'm wondering about the likelihood of re-establishing relationship with someone who believes we are deceived while at the same time we believe they are influenced by false teaching.
This is actually where many of our former relationships are at, but it causes the relationship to be at a shallow level which I find very unsatisfying.
And what about those within a system that is distorted and false? What is the margin of error? Like it or not, you will become influenced by whatever distorted teaching you are under. When there are things you disagree with, what is the tipping point of when you should leave?
Most people will put up with a great deal of falseness as long as they don't believe it is directly damaging to them. The good side of this is that it demonstrates commitment and a willingness to extend grace in the process of growth.
Very rarely is it possible for a "lay person" to bring change. It is usually an experience of frustration and futility. My opinion is that if you can't be at peace where you're at, it's probably best to find a way to be happy there or to leave.
We also have had people coming to us with concerns about what they are being taught at our former church. In the end, it's a very personal decision about how much distortion you are willing to put up with.
Having experienced the cost of "taking a stand for truth," I wouldn't want the responsibility of advising someone else to make that choice. Even after weighing the price, you can't know the true cost until you've experienced it. I think it's important for anyone who decides to leave to know that they are following God.
Our story was much more involved than just trying to be right. However, it required a difficult choice between the current status and what we believed. Following what we believed cost way more than I expected.
Although I'm grateful for all we've learned, and we could never go back, knowing what we know hasn't been particularly gratifying.
Yesterday, my husband said, "Knowing truth that no one else wants to hear really sucks." I have to agree.
10 comments:
Wow, your husband nailed it! My wife and I sometimes feel the same frustration. We often talk about the need for people to have "ears to hear".
Recently, I was having lunch with someone that I thought was really open to thinking "outside the box", and I started to passionately share some of my discoveries and thoughts.
He finally looked at me and said, "Man, I feel like you're trying to sell me something." ouch I felt deflated, dejected, and like I had really misrepresented my thoughts. :(
But I'm trying to let go of that, learn from it, and move on. If I'm brutally honest, I'll admit that I felt a nudging in my spirit not to say so much to him, but my passion ran right through that nudging. Lesson learned! ;)
Thanks for your blog, and also for linking the other day to Brother Maynard's blog. It was refreshing to find yet another voice on the same page with where we're at!
steve :)
Your husband is a wise man!
Until we are ready to admit that truth is always beyond us, a Voice Whom we attempt to follow, rather than a definition we have determined, we have not found Truth; we have merely walked down another road........
Steve,
That is part of the frustration of walking in a different direction, the inability to share it with others who aren't at the same place. It can be lonely at times.
robby,
:) Happy Anniversary BTW, I meant to comment at your place and just didn't get around to it. You guys look so cute.
jim,
Great point. We should be in an ongoing pursuit of Truth and recognize that our understanding is always partial. In my post, I was referring more specifically to a particular truth, not Truth. Whichever path we find ourselves on, there will be a margin of error in our understanding of Truth.
You sound so elitist.
Angela,
Because we've had similar experience, I understand clearly what you are saying. Sometimes we end up in a lose/lose situation, where going forward costs too much, yet going backward is impossible. I pray that your future holds happier times.
jim,
I'm sorry that I sound that way. It certainly wasn't my intention.
Jim,
Spend some more time around here, and you'll "know" Grace much better, and would realize that elitism is just not in her character.
But thanks for reminding all of us that choosing our words carefully is very important for clear communication.
robby,
Thanks for defending me. To be honest, I wasn't happy with the clarity of the post either. Sometimes it's hard to get across what I'm wanting to say.
But there's always another day and another post to try it once again.
Grace, whether you know it or not, you are part of an underground revolution/revival. Keep asking your questions. God is big enough to answer. You are on the right track. The blinders of religious rhetoric are coming off and you will have a much clearer view of Who God really is. Courage to you!!
Grace,
Sorry, I got off the bus late here....I can totally relate! Many friends within my denomination are put off by any attempts of mine to share something outside the doctrinal circle of influence. I don't try to persuade them of anything, but just seek to engage them at a level where my spiritual maturity (what I view as truth) and intellectual discourse intersect happily. Some of these are dear friends... up to the point when religious discussion ensues and we each retreat to our corners. I've lost a couple of them because of what you described as their beliefs of me being deceived versus my belief of false teaching. Thanks for hitting the nail on the head. And blessings on your approach.
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