I have been thinking lately about where my charismatic experience fits in my Christian walk.
Overall, I don't have negative feelings about what we experienced in the charismatic church. Probably my biggest complaint would be the elitism that permeates most charismatics, the division between the haves and the have nots.
When we left that church, I had no intention of denying or limiting the role of the Holy Spirit in my life. I knew that because the spiritual gifts are a part of my life, they would be with me wherever I went. Spiritual gifts can be manifested in ways that don't require a charismatic setting.
I became annoyed with the charismatics around me who insinuated that the community church we were attending was a step backwards from where we had been. I cringed at this attitude that doesn't recognize the value of other churches in the body of Christ.
It had been over two years since I had been in a charismatic corporate worship service when I attended the conference a couple of weeks ago. I was curious about what my reaction to it would be.
It was pleasant. I have always loved being in an atmosphere where worship is spontaneous and free. I love an environment where the gifts of the Spirit are welcome. I am happy in a corporate gathering where the air is heavy with the presence of the Spirit of God.
However, this led to a dilemma for me. I realized that I am unfulfilled attending the local community church. I thought that I could have a supernatural walk with God on a personal level, and that I could simply be a prophetic/charismatic person who attends an evangelical church.
This should work. There shouldn't have to be lines between charismatics and other churches. I don't know why this isn't working for me. There are so many things this church is doing well, so much fruit.
I am hesitant to say, "I want something more." Yet, I can't ignore the yearning inside of me for something different.
Either way will be a season of waiting. There isn't anything in our area yet that expresses what is in my heart.