Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Daring to Deconstruct

A year and a half ago, my husband and I left what had been our church home for many years. While we clearly heard God's command to leave, it was unclear where we would be going. This began our journey of deconstruction.

We have had great freedom during this time to explore our beliefs concerning church. Having a solid relationship with Christ, we can trust that while we explore, He will guide us into truth. We have given ourselves permission to let the pendulum of what we believe about church swing wildly, knowing that the Holy Spirit will eventually bring us to the center of what is right.

We spent the first 6 months simply not attending church. These were months of detoxing from habits, beliefs, and traditions that were a part of the Christian culture we were so accustomed to. Not going to church on Sunday mornings seemed really strange at first.

There was also a detoxing from roles and positions that had been important to us. At first, I was at a loss about how to minister or serve without people coming to me because of my position. A time of healing was also needed for the betrayal and rejection from those who didn't understand us anymore. Some people were unwilling to continue relationships with us after we left the church.

Finding ourselves alone on this journey, I began searching and found in the emerging conversation that many other people were questioning the same concepts. It was greatly encouraging to read of others who were not only questioning, but also establishing new beliefs especially about church structures and leadership.

I am not angry or disillusioned with the church. I think that God can be found at work in many places, and I have a deep appreciation for the people of God wherever they are gathered. We are attending a local community church with our children. We care about and respect the people of this church, yet we sense that we are only visiting for a season.

I am also really grateful for the freedom to explore, knowing that God is patient and not afraid of my many questions. There were many mornings when I turned to my husband and said, "Guess what I don't believe anymore?!" I feel that our time of deconstructing is done. I look forward with excitement and hope to the road ahead, not knowing what is in store for us, but ready to walk with God wherever he leads.


Robbymac said...

We only deconstruct in order to reconstruct. We all get to a time and place where we begin to dream again.

I'm looking forward to reading your ongoing journey here!

grace said...

Thanks Rob. It's reassuring to know that there are others further ahead on the journey that I can learn from and follow.

P.S. Let me know when the conference is so that I can get the early-registration discount. :)

Robbymac said...

Ah, but will there be child-care provided? :)