Friday, October 13, 2006

Cow Tipping Tips

I enjoyed all your comments on the last post. Thanks for weighing in!

Cindy suggested we make hamburger, Pam just doesn't like cows, and Raborn proposed a sacred cookout!

In the meantime, Brother Maynard, who boldly brought up the subject of sacred cows in the first place is now brazenly talking about sex.

I taught about sex at a women's gathering once. It was really quite tame, but probably the most commented on of anything I have spoken about. It is a topic that seems to hold people's attention.

For a little Friday fun, I bring you these cow tipping tips:

Do not wear red.
Do not tug on the cow's tail.
Do not make "moo" sounds. This is annoying.
Do not try to ride the cow.
Do not try to milk the cow.
Do not try to make friends with the cow.
Do not eat a burger in front of the cow.
If the fence is making a buzzing sound, do not attempt to cut it.
If the fence is making a buzzing sound, do not tinkle on it.
If it has horns and no udders, back off quietly and quickly.
Finally, beware of cow pies!

(ht to Ayleen Lindahl)


aBhantiarna Solas said...


I think color only matters when one is tipping sacred cows. Real cows get tipped under cover of darkness.

Alan Knox said...

Very interesting tips. You didn't specify, so I must ask: Do these tips apply to everyone or just clergy?

Robbymac said...

And the voice of experience speaks:

If the fence is buzzing, don't try and take a short cut by dipping your metal pail in the water trough on the other side...

...and accidentally brush your elbow on said buzzing fence while said metal bucket is in said water trough.

I felt like Neo when Morpheus kicked him across the floor in The Matrix, only I didn't look as cool and I also didn't get to say "Whoa..." (I said something else, which in the interests of civility and polite discourse, I shall refrain from posting here).

fr'nklin said...

Okay, this may be way over the line, but I'm lol as I write it. I'm wondering how many of those "cow tipping tips" came from your "sex talk" at the women's can delete this if it's too w/e. Couldn't resist...;)

grace said...

What color would you recommend for tipping sacred cows? :)

Clergy? What clergy!

LOL, my second son, a Matrix fan, liked your Neo reference.

Just number three. ;)

aBhantiarna Solas said...

Hmmm ... I believe purple would have lots of wonderful symbolism, don't you? ;-) It would incorporate red, but not be quite so inflammatory to the cows.

molly said...

Kind of off topic but I wanted to say it somewhere...
I've been reading through your posts and just LOVING it. Thanks for some very provocative reading. And for the cow tipping instructions too. :)

grace said...

Hi molly,
Thank you, it's nice to meet you.
Cow tipping isn't really my usual topic. :)